I'm the perfect man, how could my girlfriend break up with me!?!?

I have the body of a greek god, my intellect is second to none, I wear polo shirts, I drink pinto de blanc, I drive a 98 bmw for goodness sake(I mean come on), and I even use BOD spray to keep my abs really ripped. Could it be because I called her a hoodrat in front of my friends(to entertain them, you know for da boi's), because I went to the bathroom for an hour in a restaurant(so I didn't have to pay the bill), or was it because I kept shooting her in the face with my paint ball gun after she took off her mask( my fingers were tired, and they slipped accidently...about 10 times). Could you guys help me here??/ WHat did I do wrong?? Am I taking crazy pills?